Celebrate Your Turn on's

As we start to date, we tend to focus on our ability to attract someone else. Like the bachelors on "The Dating Game," we often work to meet the imagined criteria of the potential date. Problem is, this one-down attitude keeps us from evaluating what we want, and can also make us less attractive. So, put down your mirror for a moment and notice what turns you on.

Ask yourself, "What excites me in another person?" If you respond "a nice butt," that's great, but not complete. Chemical reactions are sparked by a combination of body, personality, mind, and spirit. It's how the person relates to you, makes you laugh or inspires you. One of the most exciting opportunities of dating is the chance to experiment with different combinations of these factors. Yes, it's a complex mix. But the more we sort out what we want and don't want, and the closer we get to the winning formula, the more likely we will find it -- and have chemistry!

The way you begin to identify what you want in a person is to start paying attention. Pick up a magazine, go to a movie, sit in a coffee shop or bar, and look around. Take notes -- mentally or literally. What makes your heartbeat accelerate (and other body parts wake up), and why? Really try to identify the magical elements. Compare the different people you are attracted to and notice traits that keep coming up.

Allowing desireDesire is a great motivator and automatically moves us toward our goals. Being aware of our desires also helps us notice when fulfillment is standing right in front of us. And desire is sexy. I've been amazed by the transformation in therapy clients when they learn to express their desires. Plastic surgery could not do as much for their attractiveness. And, not surprisingly, they start to get dates. Ever thought of what it means when you say someone is "hot"? Hot is turned on, alive, ready to engage. A hot person is about to create chemistry.

So let your excitement build. In fact, go ahead and add fuel to the fire. Fantasize, regularly. Self-help guides repeatedly tell us to envision our desired outcome, because it works. Don't be afraid of becoming preoccupied or regressing to an adolescent state. Revel in the fact that you get another shot at one of the most compelling experiences in life. Ah, chemistry.

An attitude of experimentation
As any scientist learns early on, an experiment that refutes the hypothesis is as valuable as one that comes out as expected. The same applies to dating. If we base success on liking everyone we date and having every date like us, we are not only setting ourselves up, we are limiting our experience and learning. My friend's therapist asked his clients to bring back stories of five date rejections to assure they were getting out there and experimenting. Remember the potential of kissing toads. Your image of what works will evolve and grow as you date. In experimentation, there is no failure, only discovery.

Sourced : wakingdesire DOT COM.


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